Some days are better than others when I think that I can't control what K wants for her life but there is a piece of me that continues to mourn the loss of the close relationship I have had with my wife. I do not want to let go and want to continue to fight for her...but her lack of honesty about the relationship with Q throws me in a mental roller coaster.
These thoughts re-emerged because it feels that there are early cracks in her relationship with Q and that K is reaching out to me on certain nights where she might be afraid of what the future holds. I understand the emotion that she is going through and take that as a small sign of hope for us in the future....but then I am reminded of how can I get over this....I totally understand the severity of the pain and loss that my disease has caused, resulting in a huge break of trust with K....but if trust is broken on both sides to such degree...how does a couple rebound from this? Obviously slowly and with professional help....I am committed to that at a minimum, putting in all the hard work to try and save this relationship...just scared of not being sure of being offered the chance to save it with K and if so, what might the outcome be...knowing how the current separation is affecting my kids, especially the youngest one.
These thoughts are becoming more prominent lately as our wedding anniversary is approaching...
I often think, "What have I done and when will this pain end?"
If you are a new reader to my blog, here is a link to one of my early posts providing more context on these thoughts...
Stay with talking about it helps the emotions release be reminded it is one day one step at a time You are doing well taking responsibility for your children s a huge step
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