Dark Places

Lately,  I find myself going into a dark place with my thoughts as I sit in the car waiting for my next fare as a Lyft driver. I think of how bad I screwed this up and how much emotional damage I have done to my wife, as she reminds me that we are separated which I understand.

I also have to remind myself of how bad I screwed this up that within the last 18 days since my last bet, I have been asked by my wife, mother, and therapist that if  I have any thoughts of harming myself... Wow, if that isn't a reality check of needing to be honest myself and get help, I truly don't deserve anyone in my life

I am so committed to getting better for myself and my kids. I need to make sure I am there for them in the future because I know how bad it sucks to try and figure life out without a father, as my father passed away when I was young. I am also committed to getting better for my wife but I have to start to accept the fact that I have lost her and she will never take me back...this is something that I am not accepting easy but I have to be fair to her and her life.

Tracker update: 

- Made $489 from the ride share companies last week

- Sold $530 of my stuff on EBay and Craigslist

I also was able to make another GA meeting this past week